Vampire Baby???

The pictures say it all.... (Notice she's only this way around her daddy. Hmmm...)

Freecycle success?

Yesterday I responded to a Freecycle post and was overjoyed when I was declared the "winner". My prize? Baby food. Though Leah's not eating it yet, she will be in a couple months, so I figured we could hold on to the jars until we need them.

Now, since she's not eating baby food yet, I didn't even think to ask what kind it was, so imagine my disappointment when I picked it up yesterday only to discover that it's none of the real appetizing foods (veggies, fruits). Instead, it's turkey, beef, and ham. Mmmmm, oh so appetizing. Do babies really eat this stuff?

Leah's Latest Stats

Leah had her four month appointment last Friday. Despite the shots, she did really well (at least she didn't fuss too much). She's 12 lbs 7.7 oz (only the 30%, which is a drop from her two month check-up) and 24" (48%). This healthy little girl is also rather active. She's scooting quite a bit; just last night, Scott was showing me how Leah will creep after a toy. Oh boy. I wouldn't be surprised if she's crawling before we head to the beach next month. Oh my!
Yes, Leah was eating the bar of her playmat in the top photo. I really think she's teething (even if it's the early stages). Now that she's getting older, she looks more like Scott (well, at least in some photos). I still say she has my eyes, but she sure does remind me of her daddy in this picture.

Insomnia

Ever since Leah arrived, I've been experiencing a bit of insomnia. Actually, it's more than a bit; it's a regular occurence. Now, I can understand being an insomniac (albeit against my will) initially; after all, as a newborn, Leah was eating all the time (I so don't miss those days).

But now that Leah's 4.5 months, well, this insomnia is a bit ridiculous, especially since Leah's been sleeping through the night for quite some time now. For some reason, I can't seem to fall asleep, no matter how tired I might be. Take last night, for instance. As part of my usual bed routine, I read for a little while before turning off the light. Around 10, I turned off the light, eager for sleep (and yes, I was sleepy by that time). Guess I was too eager. My mind started racing. I started tossing and turning (while my husband peacefully slept next to me, obvlivious to my unsuccessful attempts at sleep). At one point I looked at the clock (after contemplating getting up, going downstairs, and posting this entry): 10:40. Ugh. Would sleep ever come? It finally did (obviously), but my battle with insomnia doesn't end there.

See, once asleep, I can't stay asleep. I wake up a couple times a night. The first few months Leah was home, I'm sure I did so because it was time to feed her. But that's not the issue, now. For some reason, my body just won't let me rest the entire night. No, I wake up and my mind starts racing again. Sometimes I'm up for just a minute or two, other times I seem to be in a semi-conscious state for an extended period of time.

Even when I am sleeping, I'm not resting well due to an overwhelming number of bad dreams. It's like they're a regular part of my sleep routine now (much like the insomnia). Ugh. Will this ever go away? Will a good night's sleep continue to elude me?

Change... it's inevitable

"The only constant in life is change." I don't remember where I first heard that quip, but boy, is it true. Life is all about change, and for the most part, I've embraced that fact. Growing up as a military brat, I quickly learned that the only constant in a life of change was my attitude; I could resist the regularly changing locations, or I could embrace them (I learned to embrace them, which is probably why I enjoy traveling, even if I haven't done that much or will be doing much of it in the near future).

As an adult, though, I find change a bit more difficult to accept. I know I should have a positive attitude, and generally speaking I do, but sometimes maintaining that outlook can be a bit challenging, especially in light of a difficult change. Take friendships, for instance. I've had to accept the fact that having kids makes getting together with friends (who also have kids) almost impossible. Not only do we have to juggle our already busy lives, but we also have to juggle our kids' schedules, and those don't always coincide.

Sometimes, too, those friendships evolve. A friend and I were talking the other day about how different friends (and friendships) meet different needs. Is it any wonder then, that as our needs change, so do our friendships? Acknowledging that truth isn't easy; I, like most people, want to hold onto what feels right and what's worked before. I don't want the relationship to change (or in some cases end) just because a particular need has been met. Rather, I want the friendship to develop and evolve, taking on a new perspective and filling a new need.

Despite resisting (some) change, I'm also re-learning to embrace it. Instead of considering what I've lost because of it, I'm learning to celebrate what I've gained. All those people God has brought into my life have helped me discover who I truly am. The more I experience life and get to know those around me, the more in tune I become with whom I am becoming. I certainly feel more real, more like myself now than I did ten years ago. I'm more aware of what's important to me, and what I value, but also, I'm becoming more aware of my own shortcomings and needs. I'm learning how to recognize those areas where I need to grow while protecting those areas that simply need to be strengthened.

So why the pondering? One is the upcoming move of some very dear friends. I'm so happy for them, especially since I know that this is what they've been waiting for, but I'm going to miss them tremendously. It's hard imagining them not being just down the road. The other is watching Leah grow. I've gotten to the point where I want to rock her to sleep (I don't... well, sometimes I do if she's not feeling well) simply to prolong the cuddling. I know that she won't always be this old; that every minute she's growing stronger and bigger. I'm doing all I can to capture each moment, but how do you capture time? A photograph helps (and we have plenty of those), but how do you capture a feeling? Thus, again, I'm resolved to accept change.

Until I can stop it, I'll simply store up the moments, enjoy the present, and anticipate the future.

Four Months Old

Despite the quizzical expression, Leah does enjoy her Tigger jumperoo.

Here are Leah and Scott her first week home...

Here they are now (17 weeks). She's getting so big!!

And here she is at four months old. Go figure that I still can't get her to smile for the camera.

Official 3-month Photos

Yes, I know she's almost four months old (next week... on Grandpa's birthday), but we just picked up the photos on Monday. She didn't fuss for the pictures, but she didn't smile either (obviously). Of course, that made Scott proud since he doesn't smile for pictures, either. Let's hope she grows out of that!